I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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