She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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