Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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