What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
