I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
