In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
