Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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