a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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