So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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