It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
