Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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