I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
