You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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