You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
