whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
