what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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