There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They have beer where we have blood.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
