dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
