we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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