I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
