if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
