Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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