So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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