So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
