Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
