I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
