just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Randomize
