In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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