Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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