oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
