you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
