Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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