so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
