don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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