Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
