I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
