So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
