What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im holly from the hills drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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