1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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