that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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