I've blown a few things in my day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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