I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
