So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
