We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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