she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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