Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
