It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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