Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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