My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
