In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
