there was a trapeze. enough said
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
