i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
