rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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