Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
