yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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