Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
