I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
