so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
