That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh god it's open bar.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
