Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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