I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
