I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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