living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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