ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
