Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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