You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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