perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
