I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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