Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
