Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
