i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
