I puked a lego.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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