Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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