New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I came so hard my ears popped.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
