every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
